I have now officially lived in my house longer than I have ever lived any one place. Going on nine years.
And the corollary of that is--we have accumulated TOO MUCH STUFF.
There was an old saying in the Army, when we were moving our family around the wold..."Three moves equals a fire." That meant that there would be damage, theft, loss, and things that just plain disappeared. Very little of my early life survives the multiple "fires" of moving.
But just like a brush fire clears undergrowth and allows new things to germinate, a move also clears junk.
And I haven't moved in a long time. I'm not a hoarder, but whoa, Nelly, I have too much stuff. The temptation is to get a place to store it.
No.
I am also conscious that with stuff, comes the noise of the mind. And that clutter needs to go away, too. My friend Maggie teaches Transcendental Meditation, which helps with the clutter of the mind--but you have to allow it to sort your internal closets for a while to release the noise.
Today I will spend some time in silence, and allow the stress to sort itself out. And I will actively clean one more cabinet, closet or shelf. Daily, until I have cleaned out some of the clutter on both levels.
What's the smallest thing you will do today to declutter?
Monday, August 5, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Be Part Of The Dance?
I used to hate going to school dances. I never had the confidence I needed to really get out there and dance, and I waited for a boy to ask me. Every time.
Until I realized that I could dance by myself, and love it.
Somewhere along the line, I got self-conscious again, and stopped dancing. I bought into my father telling me that I was awkward and clumsy. I bought into people telling me I had no sense of rhythm and might as well sit on the sidelines.
What a shame. I spent a good part of my life afraid to even exercise in a group because I thought I couldn't move with any kind of grace or timing.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
My sense of rhythm may not be perfect. My dancing might look awkward, and my body may not move like a dancer's should.
But it's what I have and I am learning that the Dance is much more than just what happens on a dance floor.
The Dance (with a big D) is our party with the Universe. It is the way we are with each other, our willingness to engage or not, our extension of a hand when we ask someone to come out and play.
It is a Dance in so many ways, and the music is individual. When we can get into a line, and make it look good...hooray.
But hooray for those of us who can dance and Dance our own ways, without fear of judgment.
What's the smallest thing you will do today to Join The Dance?
Until I realized that I could dance by myself, and love it.
Somewhere along the line, I got self-conscious again, and stopped dancing. I bought into my father telling me that I was awkward and clumsy. I bought into people telling me I had no sense of rhythm and might as well sit on the sidelines.
What a shame. I spent a good part of my life afraid to even exercise in a group because I thought I couldn't move with any kind of grace or timing.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
My sense of rhythm may not be perfect. My dancing might look awkward, and my body may not move like a dancer's should.
But it's what I have and I am learning that the Dance is much more than just what happens on a dance floor.
The Dance (with a big D) is our party with the Universe. It is the way we are with each other, our willingness to engage or not, our extension of a hand when we ask someone to come out and play.
It is a Dance in so many ways, and the music is individual. When we can get into a line, and make it look good...hooray.
But hooray for those of us who can dance and Dance our own ways, without fear of judgment.
What's the smallest thing you will do today to Join The Dance?
Sunday, July 28, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To See The World As An Inkblot Test?
I just saw a meme online that contrasts Abundance Consciousness with a Scarcity Mindset. The content was interesting; but the comments were even more telling for me.
Some people looked at the Abundance side and reacted very negatively--angry, defensive, and frustrated. Others reacted with a kind of blissed out Zen energy.
Mostly, I was just interested in how when confronted by something, our reactions say so much about how we view the world, and how we protect our belief systems.
It occurred to me that the whole world presents us with these opportunities. When I start looking at the world as a mirror, and as a way to know myself better by my reactions, it becomes a very different place.
I had a nasty bout with feeling judged this week. Wow. I can't believe how much work I still need to do around this. But now, I can look at it a little more objectively, and recognize that I'm not done growing. What people think of me, what they say, how they feel about the way I live my life, still makes me defensive and hurt.
But it's more about old hurt than new. It's more about feeling like I don't belong than the reality that of course I do. I have my place on this earth, and I want to stay graceful and fluid with that place. Because it's not really mine. It's borrowed. And that's ok.
But it has been a fragile understanding and I still have work to do.
Maybe the world is telling you a lot about yourself, by just being there as a neutral party. What's the smallest thing you will do today to treat it like a teacher?
Some people looked at the Abundance side and reacted very negatively--angry, defensive, and frustrated. Others reacted with a kind of blissed out Zen energy.
Mostly, I was just interested in how when confronted by something, our reactions say so much about how we view the world, and how we protect our belief systems.
It occurred to me that the whole world presents us with these opportunities. When I start looking at the world as a mirror, and as a way to know myself better by my reactions, it becomes a very different place.
I had a nasty bout with feeling judged this week. Wow. I can't believe how much work I still need to do around this. But now, I can look at it a little more objectively, and recognize that I'm not done growing. What people think of me, what they say, how they feel about the way I live my life, still makes me defensive and hurt.
But it's more about old hurt than new. It's more about feeling like I don't belong than the reality that of course I do. I have my place on this earth, and I want to stay graceful and fluid with that place. Because it's not really mine. It's borrowed. And that's ok.
But it has been a fragile understanding and I still have work to do.
Maybe the world is telling you a lot about yourself, by just being there as a neutral party. What's the smallest thing you will do today to treat it like a teacher?
Friday, July 26, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Find a "3rd Alternative"?
I am reading a Stephen Covey book called The 3rd Alternative. I have not finished it, but what I have read so far is very compelling. The basic premise is that there are always going to be radically opposed viewpoints in any given situation of great importance--and that by listening carefully to both sides, it is possible to propose a third alternative.
This third alternative might combine the needs of both sides. Then again, it might be a solution that is so "out of the box" that it completely jumps over both and opens a completely new way to look at things.
One example given was that of a musician's daughter who came home in tears one day, toting her violin. The little girl said that she was no longer allowed to practice her music at school.
The musician was outraged. She spent a night furious, angry that anyone would rob her daughter of the chance to practice her violin at school.
But by the next morning, instead of marching angrily to the school board, she went to the girl's teacher and found out that due to testing mandates, there was no longer enough time for music. "We must spend all our time teaching the basics, like reading and math," the teacher said, also in tears.
The musician thought about now attacking the government, but instead said to herself, "Music is math." She and the teacher began to talk, and asked--what if we could teach music THROUGH all the other subjects? The musician started to volunteer what time she could and together, she and the teacher taught every subject using music.
They taught poetry as song. They taught fractions as notes of music with different duration. They taught history by teaching about composers.*
They found a 3rd Alternative, and it worked.
Life is neither all one thing or another. We blend. And in the blending, we find new solutions. I highly recommend the book--and the kind of thinking in it.
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Find A 3rd Alternative?
*story above taken from The 3rd Alternative: Solving Life's Most Difficult Problems, by Stephen Covey, Free Press, a division of Simon and Schuster, Inc. 2011
This third alternative might combine the needs of both sides. Then again, it might be a solution that is so "out of the box" that it completely jumps over both and opens a completely new way to look at things.
One example given was that of a musician's daughter who came home in tears one day, toting her violin. The little girl said that she was no longer allowed to practice her music at school.
The musician was outraged. She spent a night furious, angry that anyone would rob her daughter of the chance to practice her violin at school.
But by the next morning, instead of marching angrily to the school board, she went to the girl's teacher and found out that due to testing mandates, there was no longer enough time for music. "We must spend all our time teaching the basics, like reading and math," the teacher said, also in tears.
The musician thought about now attacking the government, but instead said to herself, "Music is math." She and the teacher began to talk, and asked--what if we could teach music THROUGH all the other subjects? The musician started to volunteer what time she could and together, she and the teacher taught every subject using music.
They taught poetry as song. They taught fractions as notes of music with different duration. They taught history by teaching about composers.*
They found a 3rd Alternative, and it worked.
Life is neither all one thing or another. We blend. And in the blending, we find new solutions. I highly recommend the book--and the kind of thinking in it.
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Find A 3rd Alternative?
*story above taken from The 3rd Alternative: Solving Life's Most Difficult Problems, by Stephen Covey, Free Press, a division of Simon and Schuster, Inc. 2011
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Dance In The Rain?
We all have rainy days. My daughters both love to dance in the rain, as did I.
So why do I forget that when we have other kinds of rain--the kinds of "rainy days" where we wrestle with troubles...do we forget that rain is part of what gives life, clears the air, makes the frogs sing...
I think I need to practice a little rain dancing today. Just because things aren't perfect doesn't mean I can't still dance for the things that are amazing.
And as I dance in the rain, I find that there is more to dance about than I first thought. My car runs. I have love. I have wonderful kids and grandkids. I was able to eat today. I took a warm shower. I had soap. And I have all of you!
What's the smallest thing you will do today to dance in the rain of your life?
So why do I forget that when we have other kinds of rain--the kinds of "rainy days" where we wrestle with troubles...do we forget that rain is part of what gives life, clears the air, makes the frogs sing...
I think I need to practice a little rain dancing today. Just because things aren't perfect doesn't mean I can't still dance for the things that are amazing.
And as I dance in the rain, I find that there is more to dance about than I first thought. My car runs. I have love. I have wonderful kids and grandkids. I was able to eat today. I took a warm shower. I had soap. And I have all of you!
What's the smallest thing you will do today to dance in the rain of your life?
Sunday, July 21, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Ask A Great Question?
Ha! I just DID!
Seriously. I have been signing copies of my book for special folks, and I realize that I've learned more about people from the questions they ask, than from the answers they give. We want to have good answers. We want to be seen as intelligent, good thinkers, and have good advice to offer.
But I think you can tell an awful lot more about a person by the kinds of questions they ask. Are they really interested in knowing something, or are they just being polite?
Do their questions make you think, or make you want to shrink? Do they engage or repel? And do they take both parties deeper into understanding? Or do they make it more difficult to communicate?
Think about your best conversations. Who asked the most questions, and how? Respectfully, curiously, or did it feel like an interrogation?
Asking questions is an art.
Become an artist. And think about this--it's not all about content. It's also about delivery.
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Ask A GREAT Question?
Seriously. I have been signing copies of my book for special folks, and I realize that I've learned more about people from the questions they ask, than from the answers they give. We want to have good answers. We want to be seen as intelligent, good thinkers, and have good advice to offer.
But I think you can tell an awful lot more about a person by the kinds of questions they ask. Are they really interested in knowing something, or are they just being polite?
Do their questions make you think, or make you want to shrink? Do they engage or repel? And do they take both parties deeper into understanding? Or do they make it more difficult to communicate?
Think about your best conversations. Who asked the most questions, and how? Respectfully, curiously, or did it feel like an interrogation?
Asking questions is an art.
Become an artist. And think about this--it's not all about content. It's also about delivery.
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Ask A GREAT Question?
Thursday, June 6, 2013
What's The Smallest Thing You Will Do Today To Celebrate A Scar?
A beloved ceramic bowl is broken. Instead of throwing the pieces away, a Japanese artist patiently uses lacquer and gold to rejoin the pieces in a meditative practice called Kintsugi. What was broken now becomes part of the story of the bowl, and is told and retold each time it is used.
A coat is patched carefully, stitched back to usefulness. The tear is lovingly accentuated, instead of hidden. The tear is part of the history of the garment now, instead of a shameful thing--it shows that the rest of the coat was worth keeping.
When I was embroiled in my first divorce in my twenties, a friend of my father expressed her sadness that I had to face it, because it was so hard to do. He held up his work worn hand and asked her what she saw. "Scar tissue," she answered.
"That's what she's made of," he said, gesturing at me. "She'll be ok."
It was a tacit acknowledgment of my strength. I hid those scars for a long time, wishing that I could be like other people, cut from whole cloth instead of patched together with pain.
Now, I am going back over the old scars, and loving them. They are part of my history, and show that the whole being I am was worth the saving.
What's the smallest thing you will do today to rejoin your scattered, torn or painful places in love?
A coat is patched carefully, stitched back to usefulness. The tear is lovingly accentuated, instead of hidden. The tear is part of the history of the garment now, instead of a shameful thing--it shows that the rest of the coat was worth keeping.
When I was embroiled in my first divorce in my twenties, a friend of my father expressed her sadness that I had to face it, because it was so hard to do. He held up his work worn hand and asked her what she saw. "Scar tissue," she answered.
"That's what she's made of," he said, gesturing at me. "She'll be ok."
It was a tacit acknowledgment of my strength. I hid those scars for a long time, wishing that I could be like other people, cut from whole cloth instead of patched together with pain.
Now, I am going back over the old scars, and loving them. They are part of my history, and show that the whole being I am was worth the saving.
What's the smallest thing you will do today to rejoin your scattered, torn or painful places in love?
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